Distance
by Hazeydream
Summary: ShepWeir What may happen to their relationship after John returns after The Lost Boys.
1. Chapter 1

**Okay, so this fic is inspired by various forums I've been reading. It's the JohnLiz threads that have caught my eye (everyone gasps in shock) and some were discussing the whole Lorne/Weir interaction in The Lost Boys (like he knows how she feels), which I've not seen yet. A lot of people are hoping for another hug when Sheppard returns but I have a different idea.**

**Spoilers: The Siege Part 3; The Lost Boys; Conversion**

**Distance**

The Atlantis alarms begin blaring and Elizabeth Weir immediately rushes out of her office, slowing down as she nears the personnel moving around the control room. She doesn't want to appear frantic, although the lack of paper work done that day is evidence that she's not on her game.

Taking a glance at the now shimmering event horizon and then a deep breath the expedition leader asks, "Do we have a code?"

Dr. Alan Parker watches the active laptop screen anxiously, smiling as he recognizes the sequence of digits. Unable to hide the relieve and happiness in his voice he announces, "It's Colonel Sheppard's team, Ma'am!"

Elizabeth wants to sit down and cry upon hearing that but feels eyes watching her, waiting for some kind of ecstatic reaction to the news. Instead she nods once and orders in a calm, collective voice, "Lower the shield."

Parker presses a button removing the invisible wall from the gate and Elizabeth allows herself to move to the balcony to observe the team's long overdue return. Gripping the railing she tries to even out her breathing fearing who will be injured or worse…it's a thought that only agitates her more.

After what seems like minutes Dr Rodney McKay exits the pool of water followed by Teyla and Ronon supporting a worse for wear Colonel John Sheppard between them. The gate shuts down and the security men relax moving in to assist the broken looking team. Examining them closer Elizabeth sees a few cuts and bruises mixed in with dirt on their faces and tries not to gasp at noticing John's vacant expression.

Pulling away from the railing she heads for the staircase telling the nearest person to call Beckett and begins down the steps still trying to remain composed. Reaching the bottom Elizabeth feels hopeful when John's eyes meet hers and a small smile graces his dry looking lips but the feeling is soon dashed as his eyes roll back and his body goes completely limp.

All Elizabeth wants to do is go to him and hold him, show some kind of emotion. Instead she orders Ronon and Teyla to get him to the infirmary. Following the band of tired explorers Elizabeth can still feel eyes watching her, just waiting for the outburst of anguish she feels but she won't do it. For once, her emotions will remain professional.

* * *

A day later Elizabeth is dismissing Major Lorne's team and is gathering up her files when the young officer approaches her, rather hesitantly. Glancing up she asks, "Major? Is there a problem?"

"Uh, no Ma'am. I just wanted to ask how Colonel Sheppard is?" He queries standing very straight and confidently.

At first the negotiator stares at him, expecting to find a hidden agenda but sees it's nothing but concern for his commanding officer. It's not like a few days ago where he openly stated that she worried about the team, and often too. Although he mentioned the entire team Elizabeth suspected Lorne was pointing out something, or someone, else.

"He's going to be fine." She assures him quietly. "He was a little dehydrated and exhausted but other than that Dr Beckett expects him to be okay and up and around soon. I'm sure the Colonel would appreciate visitors if you want to stop by."

Lorne smiles gratefully. "That's good news Ma'am. Perhaps I'll do that." He adds and stands to attention before leaving Weir alone.

For a moment she is scolding herself for allowing Loren's comments the other day to bother her when it was obvious everyone cared and worried about the team.

About him.

Pushing Lorne from her mind Elizabeth finally collects the file together and makes a quick stop at her office before heading for the infirmary.

* * *

Entering the bright, slightly odd smelling room is always grim if it's not just to visit the good Scottish doctor. As she spots the most recent, and forever returning, patient Elizabeth wants to turn back but one of his visitors, Rodney, notices her and beckons for her to come closer.

Approaching the bed she plasters on a fake smile and glances at the patient's team currently surrounding him before focusing on him.

John Sheppard gives her half a wave and dons a lopsided grin. "Hey Elizabeth." He greets pleasantly.

He looks better than he did when he came back through the gate and she chooses this remark to start off with, knowing it is safe territory. "Colonel, you're looking a lot better." She can't be sure but Elizabeth thinks she sees a hint of disappointment in his eyes but the moment is gone and she's sure she imagined it.

"Yep, a lot better!" He agrees nodding. "I'm even good enough to leave-"

"No you're not!" A stern Scottish voice barks and the serious looking face of Dr Carson Beckett appears beside them. "You will be staying in here another day Colonel!"

At this John scowls and looks at Elizabeth desperately. She can't help the affectionate smile that envelopes her face. "Sorry, he's the doctor." She tells him her grin spreading wider as he sighs disappointingly.

"Aye, I am." Beckett states, rather smugly and then makes a shooing motion with his hands. "Now, out you all go. He needs his rest." As the group grumbles and John begins to 'tut' Carson touches Weir's arm. "Oh, you can stay a few minutes longer Dr Weir. You just arrived and if there's anything you want to discuss…"

As the team drift away Elizabeth begins to object but sees the plea again in Sheppard's eyes and nods. "Thank you Carson." And with that the Scot vanishes to his office without another word.

Turning back Elizabeth sighs and raises an eyebrow. "So, the Wraith queen again?"

John shrugs acting as if it's the most common thing in the galaxy. "Oh, you know me and the queens…they can't get enough." He jokes but Elizabeth knows the mission will have damaging effects on all of them, particularly since they lost Ford again. "Sorry about the lack of radio contact."

The apology would have sounded half hearted to anyone else but Elizabeth knows he is truly sorry for worrying her. Giving him a knowing smile she replies, "Well, being held hostage and interrogated does give you a good excuse."

A silence descends and she chooses this opportunity to bid good evening, holding his gaze. "I'll leave you to get some sleep." Pausing for a second she sees anticipation in the pilot's intense stare but she's already promised herself that what he may be expecting is never going to happen again. Taking a deep breath she tells him, "I'm glad you're back safe Colonel."

The look on his face is heart breaking and Elizabeth is both relieved and scared of the distance she's created in that one statement. His expression hardens but remains professional. "Thank you."

As she leaves Elizabeth pretends not to notice his angry and hurt expression and a shocked Carson watch her exit and heads straight for her quarters, tears stinging her eyes.

* * *

Two weeks later things are still tense and professional and Elizabeth can't decide whether it's good or not. They've had no personal conversations, no moments alone together. However, the agitation is still present whenever he goes off world and she knows people still watch their every move. Has she just destroyed a good friendship over nothing?

These thoughts and others similar keep her from finishing a report so in an attempt to forget them she grabs her wooly cardigan, which is a little too big for her frame, and makes her way to the mess hall. Walking down the dim halls Elizabeth is surprised to find she is no longer scared of wandering around the city this late at night anymore. A nice contented feeling settles over her realizing it's now properly home.

Walking out of the transporter straight into the food court Elizabeth makes a bee line for the coffee machine and fills up a silver mug, grinning at the warmth it produces as she holds it.

"You know that's not good for you." A deep, smooth voice startles her and she looks up to see the object of her distraction staring a few tables away. A similar mug sits in front of him and his crossed arms.

"Sorry, didn't see you there." She says softly and walks towards him. "Guess I was preoccupied."

At this he gives a small smile. "Yeah, that was obvious. Coffee? At this time of night?" He asks in disgust leaning back so he can swing on his chair.

For a split second Elizabeth lets her walls down and joins in the teasing. "Well what did you have?"

"Juice." He says guiltily but after another probing glare he mutters, "Coffee."

"Ha." She murmurs triumphantly. Her voice carries around the deserted hall effortlessly.

"Wanna join me?" John asks gesturing to the seats across from him and lets his own fall to the ground with a clang.

Elizabeth feels slightly ashamed at his olive branch when he has no clue as to why she has been distant. John sighs and mutters, "It's okay if you don't."

For a minute she thinks he may understand but the hurt evident in his face tells her otherwise. Placing her mug gently on the table she pulls out a seat and wearily sits down. The scene reminds her of the night they sat talking on the Dadaelus coming back from Earth several months ago, but the mood is completely different. The uneasy silence suddenly seems loud and Elizabeth stares at her mug.

"Have I done something wrong?" The question sounds like it's come from a confused child, desperately wanting an explanation. Looking up at him, John's face registers that expression too.

"No." She states hurriedly, the shame causing her face to feel flushed. "No, you've done nothing wrong, John." She assures him, eyes focusing back on the cup.

Silence. Elizabeth is sure he can hear her heart beating.

"Then why is that the first time you've used my name in the past two weeks?"

And there it is. The angry question that is going to finally reveal everything that has been causing the tension and distance between them.

And Elizabeth is not sure she's ready for it.

**A/N: what you think so far? Might do a second chapter.**


	2. Chapter 2

**Thanks for all the reviews. I really enjoyed writing this for some reason. It's a little short but it's nice and fluffy.**

**Distance**

Elizabeth does not answer John, all she can do is fidget with the mug in her hands and bite the inside of her cheek. She doesn't want to tell him, she can't.

He leans forward so his arms are resting on the table and Elizabeth feels the area around her close in along with his accusing stare. Reluctantly she glances up and knows it's a mistake when she sees the intensity in his gaze. It is one of the many features that make this pilot so handsome and mysterious and draws you in so you're lost in them.

"What's been going on?" John asks softly removing most of the anger from his tone. He's trying to make it easier for her and she's grateful.

Still picking at the cup she answers, "I'm sorry if I've been acting…strange-"

"You've been distant." He corrects never adjusting his stare.

Finally she meets his eyes again hoping her anxiousness and regret is obvious. It seems to be as his face becomes soft and he looks ready to listen.

"Yes, I have."

The confession stuns them both, not expecting it to be blurted out like it was.

"Why?" His questions are no longer full of rage or resentment but of genuine curiosity and frustration.

Elizabeth debates where to start knowing the problem extends beyond a few weeks or months. It's been silently brewing since they first stepped though the gate, all of which makes the explanation a little more difficult.

She is apparently taking too long to answer as John jumps in first again. "Elizabeth, I come back from a near suicide mission five months ago and you're…happy to see me." He reminds her and a small smile appears on her face at the thought. "You go from hugging me to 'I'm glad you're back safe Colonel.' ?"

She sighs and again is ashamed of the hurt she's caused. He carries on. "You stand up for me and remain close even when I'm turning into a monster and now it's as if you can't stand to be around me!" This last part is said a little more loudly and his voice echo's around the room.

Neither notices Rodney McKay re-track his steps having heard the last part of the conversation and make a hasty trip back into the transporter. He knows better than to get involved when John is this angry and Elizabeth is quiet. He will last on cold coffee and power bars if he has to.

"It's not that." Elizabeth mutters remorsefully also leaning forward. "You have to understand John…people know and are watching!"

He looks puzzled by her words and she realizes how crazy she must have sounded. "A few days ago when you were first overdue, one of your men made a comment-"

"Who was it?" John asks angrily, surprised one of his men would so blatantly make a comment about them to her.

"No, he didn't say anything offensive!" Elizabeth is quick to back track. "All he did was mention that I tend to worry a lot about your team when you're off world."

The comment doesn't bother John, telling Elizabeth he really doesn't understand yet. "And? You worry about everyone all the time."

As he says this there's an affectionate grin on his face causing Elizabeth to smile back. "I know. But it was in his expression. And I've noticed others watching me when…when I'm near you. Especially in situations like that two weeks ago."

It's as if a light has been switched on in his head and his mouth forms an o shape as his eyebrows shoot up. "You think they suspect we're-"

"No, no!" Elizabeth cries shaking her head. Another sigh and this time she just tells him. "They know that when it comes to you my emotions are all over the place!" It's coming out in a hurry but she can't stop or she'll stop for good. "They can see how it affects my work, how restless and nervous I get anytime you don't come back when scheduled! Caldwell even commented on how close we are and it's affecting the way I run this city!"

Her outburst echo's around the hall again and she can feel tears brimming in her eyes seeing the look on John's face. It's one of complete understanding mixed in with relief and fear. How can one man's face be such an enigma?

Unable to help the tears from forming Elizabeth abruptly stands up and shoves her chair back practically running for the transporter. She has just admitted her weakness to the one person she can and is terrified of what this now means. When the doors open she makes her way to her room and once inside flings herself onto the bed where she lets the tears run free, soaking any piece of material they have contact with.

When Elizabeth first came here both General Hammond and General O'Neill warned her that some people you would become more attached to than others, especially on an expedition like this when you had no idea if you would contact Earth again. And for the first year they had become a family, defending their right to live in Atlantis. Elizabeth was good friends with many of her team, considering she had hand picked most, and knew these people would do anything to protect this city and their team.

But she had not expected to become so close to someone it actually hurt when they weren't around. Elizabeth would like to say it's because she considers John like a brother, but knows that's not the case. Yes they can bicker, joke and flirt. In fact she's got many male friends back on Earth who are like that around her.

The big difference is that at some point the flirting feels like something more and there's a barrier that prevents them from becoming closer. Now taking ragged breaths as the tears subside she sits up and rubs her eyes.

She has no idea of what to do or say to him now but the thought is interrupted by a knock at her door. Never expecting it to be him she takes a deep breath and glances quickly in the mirror to examine the blotchy eyes. Knowing she doesn't have time to fix them a number of excuses fly through her mind as she moves to the door.

Running her hand over the blue panel the door slides open to reveal a very confused and unsure John Sheppard. He is standing with his arms on either side of the door, as if he's bracing himself, and his eyes are watery.

"John." Elizabeth's tired and hoarse voice greets as she wraps her arms around her torso.

He doesn't say anything and that tense, almost electric, atmosphere returns. Elizabeth swears it's like a black cloud following her. How could she have handled this situation so badly? She begins to feel subconscious as his eyes roam over her, taking in every shape and feature.

"Um, would you like to come in?" She asks croakily wanting anything but that. He nods and she stands aside so he can step in the neat room, his eyes landing on the tear streaked quilt cover for a moment before finding hers.

"I'm sorry you feel this way." John whispers sadly. "I didn't think our…I just didn't think it would be this hard." He admits sheepishly bringing a hand up to scratch the bag of his head. His classic nervous action.

Elizabeth is too shocked to respond. Why was he apologizing? Frowning at him he takes this as a sign to explain.

"I know running this city is hard and the last thing I wanted to do was affect your judgment." He explains softly. "But…we can't help how we feel, can we? Elizabeth, I don't want to push you away because you are one of the few people I can really trust. These past two weeks have been awful and if we do that again I don't think either one of us is going to survive this galaxy."

His speech is delivered in a strong, confident voice. He stares at her defiantly as if challenging her to object. But Elizabeth knows she can't because he's right. Holding his gaze she eventually moves closer to, placing her arms around his waist and hugs him tightly.

For a second he doesn't move but she knows he's smiling as he wraps his hands around her shoulders his warmth surrounding her shivering body. Breathing in his scent Elizabeth moans a little having missed it and he responds by tightening his grip.

"I'm so sorry." Elizabeth says into his chest, the words sounding muffled.

He chuckles and rubs the back of her neck. "It's okay, you had a pretty good excuse."

Pulling back she smiles and tilts her chin up so she can gaze up at him. And there it is, the special something that threatens to ruin the moment and send them running for the hills.

But John seems to accept it, not moving from their intimate position. And now it's up to her. Does she run or stay? She knows he's not expecting what he wants - they're not ready yet. So she reaches up and kisses him lightly on the cheek before returning to his chest.

She didn't miss the smile that splits his face and can't believe he is holding on to her like she is to him. It defines a moment in their relationship, whatever that might be, and Elizabeth vows never to cause distance between them again.

And this promise is one she has no problems keeping.


End file.
